I have been repeatedly beaten over the head with this question for the last few days. It seems everywhere I turn there is a situation that makes me question whether or not friendship with an ex is possible.
It all started when I was looking through old pictures on FB and realized that just recently Mr. Not Quite Right untagged every photo of us on Facebook. Ok, so, it wasn’t enough that you were an ass when we first broke up, and then blocked me on Facebook, and then told your friends not to hang out with me? Now, a year freaking later, you are still so worked up that you feel the need to erase all memories of us? CLEARLY I know where he stands on the “can you be friends with an ex” question. That being said, I feel like his actions were overly harsh and frankly, I think he sucks. Would it be so impossible for us to be civil? What have I done that is so bad that he doesn’t even want to at least pretend to be friends? And then I got some perspective…
Out of nowhere, Mr. Cute but Whiny started talking to me again on Friday (via FOURSQUARE of all things). He began commenting on all of my check-ins, which annoyed me because nothing is more of a buzz kill than getting messages from your ex while you are trying to go out and meet new people. And although he certainly wasn’t the love of my life, his stupid little comments were a reminder of him and of the fact that I walked away from yet another guy to live the oh so noble single life. Then after all the comments, yesterday, he Facebook chats me. (Obvi someone is lonely). He starts hinting around about us hanging out and I was just like, “Oh. Hell. No.” After the disastrous last time we attempted to hang out, it is clear to me that we can’t be that kind of friends. So then I had to explain all this to him and the conversation was awkward and awful and made me feel like shit — yet again. As he was going on and on about how he still wanted me in his life, I just couldn’t help thinking I wish he would just leave me alone. I started to wonder if maybe Mr. Not Quite Right had it right all along. Perhaps you really can’t be friends with an ex.
And then, today, there was my best friend, whose ex just spent the last hour full-on badgering her about how much he has changed (in the whole 3 weeks that they have been broken up, mind you) and how she should give him a second chance. Pretty sure she doesn’t need that kind of pressure and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve to feel bad about trying to move on from a very broken relationship. Why should she have to be here, crying, when a few hours ago we were celebrating her make-out sesh with a cute new guy? After witnessing that conversation I am leaning even more heavily towards ruling out the possibility of friendship with exs.
So the question remains, if you can’t be friends with an ex, what does your non-friendship look like? Does it have to be the way Mr. Not Quite Right handled it (aka zero contact, zero memories) or is possible to have a less dramatic, non-friendship? Can you truly move on if you two are still hanging out? Or talking? Or even just connected via FB and Foursquare? I’d be really curious to hear what you all think because, honestly, I’m not sure where I stand. So tell me, can you be friends with an ex? And if so, what does that mean to you?