21 Jan
Welp, I’ve been stewing on this one for a while because it is a major pet peeve of mine and I didn’t want to be “that new dating blogger” who rants all the time. But the time has come to address this important topic. Men, listen here. Text messaging is only appropriate in certain instances. I know. I am blowing your mind right now. Please, take a deep breath and let me explain further.
Clearly, at some point, someone told you it was perfectly acceptable to substitute texting for all phone calls. You’ll argue that it saves time, or you aren’t a phone talker, or you’re scared you’ll get rejected and texting is less scary. That may all be true, but it is getting you NOWHERE. Girls like phone calls. They like you to pick up the phone and talk to them. Am I saying texts are bad all the time – of course not. If you are running late, or you just want to send a quick, “thinking of you” note, then by all means, text away. But there are certain situations where texts are just straight up, not appropriate. Allow me to share them with you.
When not to text:
• When you are asking me on a date - If you want me to spend time with you then you are going to have to put in just a little more effort than a text message. By texting you are telling me that you either have no balls and think I am going to blow you off or you are just plain lazy. Besides, planning a date is going to take multiple text messages (time, place, etc.) and it would take a hell of a lot less time to pick up the phone and call me. And really, I hate wasting my time.
• When you have nothing clever to say - So you chatted me up at a bar and I gave you my number. Swell. If you follow it up the next day with a completely lame text, you are really going to piss me off. My friend was just telling me about a guy she met who texted her “hey” on 3 consecutive nights after meeting her. Just hey. What the fuck is that? Bullshit – that’s what. If you can’t come up with something clever that makes me want to remember meeting you last night, then a text is not the way to go. At least if you called I’d be too distracted by your sexy man voice and too worried about what I am saying to realize you are boring and unoriginal.
• When it’s 2 AM – Sooo it’s 2 AM on a Friday night and you are texting me “Hey, what’s up?” Well sir, what’s up is I know this is a booty call (sans call) and I am not interested. Is this the same amount of effort I can expect from you in the bedroom? Yea, not exactly dying to hang out.
• When you don’t know how to spell - Again, maybe this is just my pet peeve as an English graduate, but if you can’t spell basic words, please don’t text me. I am going to have a hard time forgetting about that and it will live permanently on my phone.
• When you are mad or upset – Men, I know it is hard to express yourself sometimes and perhaps you just feel the need to lash out. But please, for the love of God, don’t lash out via text. I don’t want to have to write a 3 part text back to you explaining whatever it is you are upset about. Plus, if it is something you shouldn’t be saying (eg. mean or overly emotional), seeing it in writing makes it that much harder for your girl to forget.
• When I am at work – If you have something important to ask me or just want to say, “can’t wait to see you tonight” then texting is fine. But if you just want to talk about your day or make plans for the evening, I don’t have time. I can’t be chilling at my desk text messaging all the livelong day. Come on now.
Truthfully there are probably a million more times when it is just not cool for a man to text a girl (and ladies, feel free to add your suggestions in the comments). But men, as a general rule-of-thumb, a call is always going to get you a lot more than a text. Especially these days when a guy calling to ask a girl out is practically a miracle… So guys, give it a shot. Pick up the phone next time you need to talk to a girl and then bask in the glory of securing yourself a date, solving a problem with your girlfriend, or finally getting laid. You can go ahead and thank me later.
PS for a updated list on texting pit falls to avoid, see here: http://sexandthetwenties.com/for-the-guys-texting-pet-peeves-part-deux/
Especially love the spelling point. I once met a really hot guy and gave him my number, but was INSTANTLY turned off when he insisted on texting me things like ” hay gurl” (that’s not even shorthand!) Welp, you were nice to look at. Your texts, not so much.
Haha, totally! Yea, it’s not like “hey” or “girl” is hard to spell…
“Hey gurrl” on the other had is cool.
um sureeee? :)
Yeep.
I love this!!! i hate it when guys text, and I feel like I’m all alone in that opinion—now I know I’m not. I am sometimes tempted to get a landline and give that # to guys so they can’t even text me.
-Lucky
I have been “dating” a guy for 4 weeks now. I used the “”s because we only see each other once a week and it is usually a lunch date on a weekday. He has two kids that live with him and the extent of our contact during the week is some lame texts like “how ru” and “wassup” sans quotation. Once in a while I will get an actual phone call that lasts about 4 minutes and consists of him telling me what he did that day and what he has left to do that evening.
No touching, no flirting, no affection or compliments. I talk and laugh on the phone more with my own dad! Yesterday he sent “hello” and for the first time I did not respond. So tonight I got a “how are you doing”. At least he’s spelling the words out now.
Since I am not too keen on even having kids (they are 7 and 15) I am going to just evaporate unless he really steps it up. At least I have learned my lesson about initiating and planning all activities to keep the relationship going when my (ex) man is “too busy” or “really tired” but can still find the energy to go party till 2 in the morning…..we do it to ourselves ladies!
Hmmm, guess this is a cultural thing. Sometimes I wish I’d love to try to date an American to see whether it really is a difference when it comes to approach in dating. Wonder how that would turn out tho, as I’d probably piss her off by sending texts instead of calling because that’s often the method of approach here. And the kids growing up now? Even worse, they’re born with a mobile phone with the skill to text.