Welp, I’ve been stewing on this one for a while because it is a major pet peeve of mine and I didn’t want to be “that new dating blogger” who rants all the time. But the time has come to address this important topic. Men, listen here. Text messaging is only appropriate in certain instances. I know. I am blowing your mind right now. Please, take a deep breath and let me explain further.
Clearly, at some point, someone told you it was perfectly acceptable to substitute texting for all phone calls. You’ll argue that it saves time, or you aren’t a phone talker, or you’re scared you’ll get rejected and texting is less scary. That may all be true, but it is getting you NOWHERE. Girls like phone calls. They like you to pick up the phone and talk to them. Am I saying texts are bad all the time – of course not. If you are running late, or you just want to send a quick, “thinking of you” note, then by all means, text away. But there are certain situations where texts are just straight up, not appropriate. Allow me to share them with you.
When not to text:
• When you are asking me on a date - If you want me to spend time with you then you are going to have to put in just a little more effort than a text message. By texting you are telling me that you either have no balls and think I am going to blow you off or you are just plain lazy. Besides, planning a date is going to take multiple text messages (time, place, etc.) and it would take a hell of a lot less time to pick up the phone and call me. And really, I hate wasting my time.
• When you have nothing clever to say - So you chatted me up at a bar and I gave you my number. Swell. If you follow it up the next day with a completely lame text, you are really going to piss me off. My friend was just telling me about a guy she met who texted her “hey” on 3 consecutive nights after meeting her. Just hey. What the fuck is that? Bullshit – that’s what. If you can’t come up with something clever that makes me want to remember meeting you last night, then a text is not the way to go. At least if you called I’d be too distracted by your sexy man voice and too worried about what I am saying to realize you are boring and unoriginal.
• When it’s 2 AM – Sooo it’s 2 AM on a Friday night and you are texting me “Hey, what’s up?” Well sir, what’s up is I know this is a booty call (sans call) and I am not interested. Is this the same amount of effort I can expect from you in the bedroom? Yea, not exactly dying to hang out.
• When you don’t know how to spell - Again, maybe this is just my pet peeve as an English graduate, but if you can’t spell basic words, please don’t text me. I am going to have a hard time forgetting about that and it will live permanently on my phone.
• When you are mad or upset – Men, I know it is hard to express yourself sometimes and perhaps you just feel the need to lash out. But please, for the love of God, don’t lash out via text. I don’t want to have to write a 3 part text back to you explaining whatever it is you are upset about. Plus, if it is something you shouldn’t be saying (eg. mean or overly emotional), seeing it in writing makes it that much harder for your girl to forget.
• When I am at work – If you have something important to ask me or just want to say, “can’t wait to see you tonight” then texting is fine. But if you just want to talk about your day or make plans for the evening, I don’t have time. I can’t be chilling at my desk text messaging all the livelong day. Come on now.
Truthfully there are probably a million more times when it is just not cool for a man to text a girl (and ladies, feel free to add your suggestions in the comments). But men, as a general rule-of-thumb, a call is always going to get you a lot more than a text. Especially these days when a guy calling to ask a girl out is practically a miracle… So guys, give it a shot. Pick up the phone next time you need to talk to a girl and then bask in the glory of securing yourself a date, solving a problem with your girlfriend, or finally getting laid. You can go ahead and thank me later.
PS for a updated list on texting pit falls to avoid, see here: http://sexandthetwenties.com/for-the-guys-texting-pet-peeves-part-deux/