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How Not to Drunk Dial

9 Jul

I just read an awesome post over on Sex, Lies, Dating and the City about booty calls. The post outlines when you should answer a booty call, when you should end a no strings attached situation, and what type of booty calls to avoid. The key takeaway of the post is that your booty call should be fun. No drama, no stress, no feelings. Just a hoot. And I one hundred percent concur.

The only thing the post was missing was the HOW. How does one go about making a booty call? Well, maybe it is unlady like for me to admit this, but I have both made and answered a booty call or two in my day. There have been times where I was out and about, and I decided, I’d really like to be making out right now… And after scanning the room and deciding no one was make out worthy, I resulted to the phone.

Now, for the most part, if you are attractive, and you are texting someone you know wants to make out with you, the booty call process is fairly seamless. However, over the years, I have learned there are a couple of things that will not result in a hook up. Ladies and gents, these things should be avoided at all costs. If need be, print this out and take it to the bars with you.

10 things not to do when drunk dialing:

1. Send an overtly forward text messages – Sure, you both know why you are calling, but don’t put all your cards on the table in your initial text. I don’t care what anyone tells you, everyone wants a little challenge (especially guys!). So if you are already the one initiating contact, try and be at least a little coy. I once sent a text message that read – “I’m Hot. You are hot. Why are we not hanging out?” I did not receive a response on that one…

2. Write random/creepy or mean texts – Sometimes, an attempt to be coy can be mistaken for something random, creepy or mean. If you think your text is questionable, have a friend proof it and make sure you are a-ok before you hit send.

3. Repeatedly drunk dial the same person two weekends in a row - You have to give time between each subsequent drunk dial. Sometimes a drunk dial is unsuccessful due to logistics (eg. one person falls asleep early or your phone dies). However, calling your booty call friend the very next weekend makes you look a little desperate. No one likes a desperate booty call. I like to give at least a month or two in between initiating booty calls. Now if they initiate, it is an entirely different story.

4. Misspell text messages/or slur your words when you call – Nothing is less sexy than a text that reads like gibberish. If you can’t cohesively put together a sentence, it is like taking out a sign that says – I am wasted, and probably won’t be any fun to be around. I can’t count the amount of booty calls I have turned down because of this. Not hot.

5. Leave a long-winded voicemails – If you are going to leave a voicemail (and I rarely recommend that you do) keep it short. Pretty much anything you say has the potential to hurt your cause – especially if you’ve been drinking. No need to delve into a long story about where you are or why you are calling or how they can reach you. You’ll probably just end up sounding awkward and none of that stuff matters to your booty call anyway.

6. Pretend you accidentally called – Ok I only did this once, but I can tell you, I don’t think this is the way to go. At the time, (I was 21, mind you) I didn’t want it to seem like I was making a booty call, but I did want to see what this guy was up to. So I called him (the original Sven, actually!) and pretended like I had selected the wrong person in my phone book. Genius, I know. We talked for an hour that night and made plans for the next day. And then he never called me. Not effective.

7. Send any message to someone who has a gf/bf - I can’t expand on this one without making myself look like an ass, but let’s just say, these people are not the low hanging fruit. When drunk dialing, make it simple on yourself. Select someone easy and fun with no baggage.

8. Call super late at night – Frankly I think a call after 12 is pushing it, but certainly after 1. At this point most people have already either found their fun for the night, are eating Mexican food, or are asleep. D does this to me all the time. In fact, he called me at midnight last Monday wanting me to come over. Uh, no sir, I have been asleep for hours and I have to get up at 5 AM to work out. Look alive.

9. Call from the bar - In order to be coy and sexy, you have to be able to hear the other person on the line. If you are going to be making a booty call, go outside so that you can make arrangements and so that it doesn’t seem like you are calling them just because you are shmammered at a bar.

10. Say anything that could be misconstrued as insecurity - Sometimes you aren’t sure if your booty call wants to hang out, but this lack of confidence will not help your cause. If you say something like, “call me back if you get a chance” you are essentially saying, I don’t think you’ll call me back. Well, that’s not hot! Go with something like, “talk to you soon.” This is an old trick I learned from calling media, but I think it is applicable for a booty call too.

So those are all the things you should avoid –  but what should you do? A simple call, at a respectable hour – say 11:30 – maybe a brief message, “Heyo, it’s Cali.  just wanted to see what you are up to! Hope you are having a good one and I’ll talk to ya soon.” and then go about your business. If you hear back from them, great, you get to make out! If not, don’t stress, it’s just a drunk dial. These are just meant to distract us while we are single and until we meet the person we don’t have to call because they are right there with us. :)

Anyone have some other good booty call tips?

10 Responses to “How Not to Drunk Dial”

  1. Daniel Charles Mulligan III July 10, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

    On Thursdays, in advance of the Fri/Sat B.C., I like to pre-qualify the booty call candidates. Start out with a short list of five, call them and let them know that the odds are greater than 90% that they will receive a B.C. in the next forty-eight hours. This not only allows me to stack rank the top the as “A”, “B”, and “C” in terms of their interest level, it also helps to avoid your number seven above. This offense is best executed voice to voice to ascertain the response tone. Tone and response allow for the stack ranking.

    • Cali Bradshaw July 13, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

      OK so, I think this only works for a guy. If I were to do this as a woman, holy hell, I can only IMAGINE the backlash. I once had D get mad at me for assuming we were going to hook-up one night. Um, we’ve been hooking up for the past 8 years, call me crazy… But apparently he felt used, and apparently guys don’t like that? I don’t know, I am still not clear on the rules on that one. In any case, I try to never “plan” booty calls because it seems to be relatively ineffective.

      However, I am quite happy for you that you have multiple candidates. That is a place I would like to be in again but I haven’t had that since college!

      Thanks for reading, sir.
      Cali

  2. Simm July 11, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

    Ahhh!! I *just* posted about my booty call night and I honestly got right to the point with an Ex-BF of mine:

    http://thedatingritual.com/2011/07/06/the-sundress-and-the-wind/

    • Cali Bradshaw July 13, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

      Oh excellent! But also, I think your question, “booty call?” was coy because it could both mean – do you have a booty call or do you want to come over… (as evidenced by his confusion). Well done :)

  3. Single Steve July 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    Great tips. Where were you 3 years ago when I told a girl”UR cut”?
    http://www.singlesteve.com/2009/02/drinking-its-not-just-for-children-anymore/

  4. JJM July 13, 2011 at 3:43 am #

    I’ve got an addendum to one of your points: Do not call someone blackout drunk, because not only will he/she be offended at what you said, they’ll be even more irritated that you have no idea what you stated while trashed!

    Keep up the good work, Cali.

    • Cali Bradshaw July 13, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

      So true. I have made that mistake and it is not good. The worst part is, you don’t remember what you said, just that it was awkward. Never good.

      Thanks for reading :)

  5. Xanna Time December 16, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    love love love it! I have a feeling I will be using these tomorrow night haha! THANX!…p.s. Just found your blog and Im becoming your newest biggest fan.

  6. JJM March 7, 2012 at 11:27 pm #

    Hello Cali,
    I stumbled by accident into your blog, and first I should say thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences!
    At the moment I am in the middle of a sort of “sex friends” arrangement, and well just tonight I decided to drunk dial. But before I should mention this is a guy I have been sort of seeing casually for the past 3 months. However, recently it has been more complicated to get to see each other and I see myself getting insecure.
    Anyways, back to the story… so we have been in the process of scheduling our next date, but he has changed the plans twice and I adapted. Except the day we agreed to meet isn’t all the great for me. So, I went out earlier tonight and then asked, “How bout tonight? Tomorrow seems complicated” (he actually had not confirmer to meet yet). Then I got impatient and did not give him enough time to reply and said ,”Never mind, I am tipsy, if tomorrow doesn’t work it’s ok. Have a good night.” A few minutes later he replied “Okay, I will confirm about tomorrow soon.” Then, I replied “Haha, ok and sorry about drunk texting lol” To which he replied, “Haha No problem.”

    Do you think I have shown too much insecurity in my messages, by both taking back my first proposal and then apologizing for making it? I feel a little comforted by the fact he responded, but do you think I exposed myself beyond repair?
    And also, what would you advise me next time so I can tell him I want to see him without sounding needy or clingy?
    On the other hand, feeling like I have made a fool of myself just a little, has helped me to laugh about the whole situation and take some distance from it.

    Thanks! Any advise you can give is great, it would be great to have someone’s outside point of view!

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