I remember having a huge crush on this girl towards the beginning of my freshman year in college. She had it all; she was hot and, well, she was hot. So I did naturally what most guys would do in this situation. I got her number, played it safe, and acted like one of her pals in hopes that I’d be able to “romance” her into having a thing with her. I was a great guy, she just couldn’t see it. I was nice, I didn’t offend her, I agreed with her, and I listened to all her problems, I was always there for her. No, you know who I really was? I was a manipulative little asshole who thought, that by some magical way, forgoing my needs and listening to hers would result in me getting into a relationship or her pants. I became a guy who ran around and saw girls as “objectives” and having sex was the ultimate accomplishment. That’s probably what I’m most ashamed of in my life up to this point. I borderline de-humanized women and didn’t even consider that they had feelings and insecurities just like myself. There were so many things wrong about what I used to do, that come out in this situation I had with this specific girl.
1.Let’s start with the reason why I even liked her in the first place; she was hot and she showed me attention. This is so needy it’s almost an immediate turn-off to anyone. It shows you don’t have standards and you’ll take whoever shows interest in you, even if they aren’t right for you.
2. I never told her or showed her how I really felt about her. Had I done this, two things would’ve happened; I would have started dating this girl, or she would reject me and then I could move on with my life and not waste any more time. The reason I didn’t tell her is because I didn’t really like her, I liked the idea of the possibility of someone liking me. Everyday I would hope she would see something in me, but I would never tell her how I felt because if she rejected me, what would I have to look forward to in life? This way of thinking is so toxic and pathetic, it trickled over into other aspects in my life.
3. I thought by agreeing with her and being her friend that I would will my way into her romantic life. Not a chance. Yes it is true, guys and girls can just be friends, I know a lot of women who I consider as a purely platonic friend. However, I’d be willing to bet any of the ladies reading this, if they asked their guy friends if they at one point ever wanted something more than just being friends, about 3 out 4 would answer yes if they were being completely honest. This is why guys get friendzoned. They mask their true intentions because they’re too scared that they’ll be seen as a creep, so they play it safe. I know because I did this for years and I wasn’t being nice, I was lying to the girls I knew and myself.
If you’re sitting around moping to yourself and thinking, “Oh I’m such a nice guy, all she dates are assholes and she constantly tells me she wants a nice guy, why can’t she see it in me?” I’ve got one thing to say to you, fuck you. You’re not being nice, you’re trying to manipulate a girl into getting with you, in fact you’re probably just as bad as those “assholes” she dates. I went through the same exact thing and now I know how wrong it is. Get off your ass, take a risk, and go tell the girl you’ve been crushing on how you really feel.