So after my depressing bout of self-wallowing last week, I decided to go ahead and re-join Match yesterday. It may not be the answer to all my problems (or any of my problems) but it will distract me and that’s probably exactly what I need.
However, in order for me to be distracted by something, I would need to receive a few Match.com emails that didn’t make me roll my eyes. Apparently those are hard to come by.
As I read through the 25+ emails I have gotten in this first 24 hours it struck me, perhaps instead of feeling annoyance for these dudes, maybe I should be feeling bad for them. Chances are, they aren’t douchebags. Maybe they are just completely clueless that their emails are so forgettable and in some cases border-line offesnsive. And that’s when I realized, I am in a position to help!
So I’ll break it down for you guys, using these most recent emails as examples, to show you what us ladies are thinking when we get these in our inbox.
“you are a cutie and we seem to have some things. want to chat or get together and see if we are a fit?”
Ok first off, while I enjoy flattery, “cutie” isn’t really a word I’d like to be known by. A baby is a cutie, or maybe a small dog – not a sophisticated woman. And this diction choice is compounded by the fact that he chose not to capitalize the first words of his sentences. (What, was your email too long that you were unable to go back and proofread?) But most irksome, and I see this all the time, is when someone says, “we seem to have things in common” without referencing what those things are. How trite! Everyone in this world has something in common. If you genuinely think we share a few interests or personality traits, feel free to show me you read my profile and point those out. Otherwise I can just assume you say that to absolutely every woman you come across on Match.
Hey there! How are you? You have a pretty smile! I’d like to know more about you.
Soooo, exactly what more would you like to know? Because if you just read my profile, you’ve learned about where I live, what I do, what my hobbies are, where I like to go, about my pets, what I am looking for, my religion, and the list goes on and on… How about you address some (or maybe even one) of those things before you start asking for more? And when you do ask for more, can you please be more specific? Open-ended statements like “I’d like to know more about you” make me want to respond with a monologue about my thoughts on gluten free pasta options or something equally as fascinating.
Happy Saturday! I went to the dog beach this morning with my pooch and like usual all of the parents of other dogs scorned at me because my kid was so rowdy and unruly! I tell them that he’s mentally retarded and that they should have more respect for the handicapped pooches of the world:)
So I own a restaurant in San Diego. Other than the restaurants keeping me busy I like to spend my free time building useless stuff and hanging out with friends/family. Do you have any favorite dishes that you make?
First off, this gentleman chose to use a VIP email when he sent this and I can’t imagine why. If you are going to invest in using one of your few “VIP” emails, perhaps you should also invest a few minutes in reading the person’s profile… This is a classic case of, “it is all about me,” and it is the most prevalent problem I have with emails on this site. Listen buddy, I did not reach out to you. Nor did I ask for any information about you. If I wanted to learn that you own a restaurant, I would read your profile. To me, this screams, “I just cut and paste this to every chick I think is hot and hope that a few write back.” I am not saying you can’t say things about yourself – of course you can! But they should expand on your profile and they should be in relation to what the person you are messaging said about themselves. If the initial message goes well, you’ll have all sorts of time to talk about yourself.
You came up in my daily matches so I thought I would introduce myself. I like your awesome profile it’s almost as cool as my profile but not quite ;) haha jk. Anyways I know your inbox is probably overflowing with emails of many random horny men and probably women, but if you’re not too overwhelmed, drop me a line and maybe we can grab a cup of coffee sometime :) so you can finally meet the man of your dreams haha.
Well, you all know how I feel about the use of emoticons, so I won’t go off about that, but suffice to say a smiley in the subject line and TWO in the email is too many. Also, please avoid the use of words like horny in your initial outreach to a lady – that’s awkward and it automatically makes me associate you with horny. Probably not what you were going for. And finally the “almost as cool as mine” and the “man of your dreams” part… yea that’s just a little much. I assume you are trying to be funny, but again it just comes off as awkward.
Hey there, how are you? are you sure you not some kinda model or something? ;) looking good !! anyway how’s your weekend going? I am at Coachella music festival, check out Monday morning and back to work :( have a fun weekend.
Again with the capitals, emoticons and questionable punctuation. Sigh… But it was the model comment that really made me want to barf. Flattery is one thing, but I am not delusional enough to think anyone might mistake me for a model. And also dude, why are you Match.com messaging me when you are at Coachella. Shouldn’t you be like drunk or something? Or maybe you are, and that explains the capitalization….
Hey Callahan. Wanna grab a bite and catch the next padre game?
No. First of all, that is not my name… Not sure where you got that from, but nope, not correct. Second of all, do you really think I am just sitting around waiting for a stranger to ask me to a Padres game?? Dear sir, I am not on this site because I can’t get a date. It’s because I can’t find a guy I’d actually want to date. You have literally done nothing to make me think you might be that guy. So to answer your question, no thank you.
Now, to be fair, not every email has been bad. I must give kudos to this gentleman, let’s call him Example Eight.
Hi X (he got my name right)
The Triple Crown, that is really impressive. I’ve only done a few runs but the funnest one I can remember was the Mud Run down at Pendleton. You should try it if you haven’t.
I was wondering what a Social Media strategist is. Are you like a professional blogger/twitter-er (or is that tweeter?)?
P.S. even if you’re not into me. I just thought that I’d let you know that I think your hair is gorgeous. Alright later!
Now sadly, I am not particularly attracted to this guy but his email is perfect. Short and to the point, shows he read my profile, asked good questions, had a little humor and threw in a bit of shameless flattery. Men, please note, when complimenting a girl, choose something that is believable. Saying I look like a model is ridiculous. Telling me I have great hair, well that’s just a fact.
It really is that simple…
At the end of the day, I do truly believe that most guys on the site have good intentions. And perhaps when they first joined Match, they took a lot of time with each email and reading profiles, but then got discouraged and adopted a new strategy. I could totaly see how that could happen. But, I still don’t recommend it. In the end, if you are on Match because you genuinely want to meet a great girl and explore the possibility of a relationship, then I impolore you to reassess your email technique. Send less emails and spend more time emailing girls that you think you ACTUALLY have a chance with and that you like for more than just their looks. I’d be willing to bet you’d have a lot better results – especially if you are writing these awesome emails when everyone else is still mis-capitalizing and blabbing on and on about themselves! Good luck and happy emailing.