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For the Guys: Improving your Match.com Emails

22 Apr

So after my depressing bout of self-wallowing last week, I decided to go ahead and re-join Match yesterday. It may not be the answer to all my problems (or any of my problems) but it will distract me and that’s probably exactly what I need.

However, in order for me to be distracted by something, I would need to receive a few Match.com emails that didn’t make me roll my eyes. Apparently those are hard to come by.

As I read through the 25+ emails I have gotten in this first 24 hours it struck me, perhaps instead of feeling annoyance for these dudes, maybe I should be feeling bad for them. Chances are, they aren’t douchebags. Maybe they are just completely clueless that their emails are so forgettable and in some cases border-line offesnsive. And that’s when I realized, I am in a position to help!

So I’ll break it down for you guys, using these most recent emails as examples, to show you what us ladies are thinking when we get these in our inbox.

Example One:

“you are a cutie and we seem to have some things. want to chat or get together and see if we are a fit?”

Ok first off, while I enjoy flattery, “cutie” isn’t really a word I’d like to be known by. A baby is a cutie, or maybe a small dog – not a sophisticated woman. And this diction choice is compounded by the fact that he chose not to capitalize the first words of his sentences. (What, was your email too long that you were unable to go back and proofread?) But most irksome, and I see this all the time, is when someone says, “we seem to have things in common” without referencing what those things are. How trite! Everyone in this world has something in common. If you genuinely think we share a few interests or personality traits, feel free to show me you read my profile and point those out. Otherwise I can just assume you say that to absolutely every woman you come across on Match.

Example Two:

Hey there! How are you? You have a pretty smile! I’d like to know more about you.

Soooo, exactly what more would you like to know? Because if you just read my profile, you’ve learned about where I live, what I do, what my hobbies are, where I like to go, about my pets, what I am looking for, my religion, and the list goes on and on… How about you address some (or maybe even one) of those things before you start asking for more? And when you do ask for more, can you please be more specific? Open-ended statements like “I’d like to know more about you” make me want to respond with a monologue about my thoughts on gluten free pasta options or something equally as fascinating.

Example Three:

Happy Saturday! I went to the dog beach this morning with my pooch and like usual all of the parents of other dogs scorned at me because my kid was so rowdy and unruly! I tell them that he’s mentally retarded and that they should have more respect for the handicapped pooches of the world:)

So I own a restaurant in San Diego. Other than the restaurants keeping me busy I like to spend my free time building useless stuff and hanging out with friends/family. Do you have any favorite dishes that you make?

First off, this gentleman chose to use a VIP email when he sent this and I can’t imagine why. If you are going to invest in using one of your few “VIP” emails, perhaps you should also invest a few minutes in reading the person’s profile… This is a classic case of, “it is all about me,” and it is the most prevalent problem I have with emails on this site. Listen buddy, I did not reach out to you. Nor did I ask for any information about you. If I wanted to learn that you own a restaurant, I would read your profile. To me, this screams, “I just cut and paste this to every chick I think is hot and hope that a few write back.” I am not saying you can’t say things about yourself – of course you can! But they should expand on your profile and they should be in relation to what the person you are messaging said about themselves. If the initial message goes well, you’ll have all sorts of time to talk about yourself.

Example Four:

You came up in my daily matches so I thought I would introduce myself. I like your awesome profile it’s almost as cool as my profile but not quite ;) haha jk. Anyways I know your inbox is probably overflowing with emails of many random horny men and probably women, but if you’re not too overwhelmed, drop me a line and maybe we can grab a cup of coffee sometime :) so you can finally meet the man of your dreams haha.

Well, you all know how I feel about the use of emoticons, so I won’t go off about that, but suffice to say a smiley in the subject line and TWO in the email is too many. Also, please avoid the use of words like horny in your initial outreach to a lady – that’s awkward and it automatically makes me associate you with horny. Probably not what you were going for. And finally the “almost as cool as mine” and the “man of your dreams” part… yea that’s just a little much. I assume you are trying to be funny, but again it just comes off as awkward.

Example Five:

Hey there, how are you? are you sure you not some kinda model or something? ;) looking good !! anyway how’s your weekend going? I am at Coachella music festival, check out Monday morning and back to work :( have a fun weekend.

Again with the capitals, emoticons and questionable punctuation. Sigh… But it was the model comment that really made me want to barf. Flattery is one thing, but I am not delusional enough to think anyone might mistake me for a model. And also dude, why are you Match.com messaging me when you are at Coachella. Shouldn’t you be like drunk or something? Or maybe you are, and that explains the capitalization….

Example Six:

Hi. How are you?Wanna chat?

No. And FYI, they have “instant messages” for propositions like this (which, btw, you can count on me to ignore because I absolutely hate that functionality of the site).
Example Seven:

Hey Callahan. Wanna grab a bite and catch the next padre game?

No. First of all, that is not my name… Not sure where you got that from, but nope, not correct. Second of all, do you really think I am just sitting around waiting for a stranger to ask me to a Padres game?? Dear sir, I am not on this site because I can’t get a date. It’s because I can’t find a guy I’d actually want to date. You have literally done nothing to make me think you might be that guy. So to answer your question, no thank you.

Now, to be fair, not every email has been bad. I must give kudos to this gentleman, let’s call him Example Eight.

Hi X (he got my name right)

The Triple Crown, that is really impressive. I’ve only done a few runs but the funnest one I can remember was the Mud Run down at Pendleton. You should try it if you haven’t.

I was wondering what a Social Media strategist is. Are you like a professional blogger/twitter-er (or is that tweeter?)?

P.S. even if you’re not into me. I just thought that I’d let you know that I think your hair is gorgeous. Alright later!

Now sadly, I am not particularly attracted to this guy but his email is perfect. Short and to the point, shows he read my profile, asked good questions, had a little humor and threw in a bit of shameless flattery. Men, please note, when complimenting a girl, choose something that is believable. Saying I look like a model is ridiculous. Telling me I have great hair, well that’s just a fact.

It really is that simple…

At the end of the day, I do truly believe that most guys on the site have good intentions. And perhaps when they first joined Match, they took a lot of time with each email and reading profiles, but then got discouraged and adopted a new strategy. I could totaly see how that could happen. But, I still don’t recommend it. In the end, if you are on Match because you genuinely want to meet a great girl and explore the possibility of a relationship, then I impolore you to reassess your email technique. Send less emails and spend more time emailing girls that you think you ACTUALLY have a chance with and that you like for more than just their looks. I’d be willing to bet you’d have a lot better results – especially if you are writing these awesome emails when everyone else is still mis-capitalizing and blabbing on and on about themselves! Good luck and happy emailing.

47 Responses to “For the Guys: Improving your Match.com Emails”

  1. ginnie April 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    Your blog entry is a good one, and I can relate even though I’m much older. I used to be a member of Match, but gave it up for good. I got a lot of mail there and talked with a lot of men, and met some of them. But after a very bad experience via Match, I explored the site a lot and did a lot of research there, and even contacted other women about their experiences. Match is a cheater’s paradise, whether the cheater is single, in a committed relationship, living together in a committed relationship, or even married. I know because I met some, and also because I heard stories from MEN who were on the short end of the deal, too, having been cheated on by women they thought they were in a committed relationship with. I would never use Match again. I was dumbfounded by the number of ways to cheat via Match, and by the number of men doing so on Match. The worst, for me, was my live-in boyfriend. He was addicted to Match because it was so damned easy, and it was a chronic condition with him–he’d been on it for many years. All he had to do was sign in before a trip out of town, or when I was going to be at work for the day or evening, and he could have a date anytime, anywhere he wanted, local or out of town. And it was worse than that, but I won’t go into more detail. And most of the women had no clue he was living with his girlfriend, while one for sure actually knew but got off on heading out of town with someone else’s boyfriend (a rich, bored gal who did not have to work for a living). And it wasn’t just one boyfriend who ended up using Match to cheat on me. When I found out inadvertently that the man I was in my next ‘committed’ relationship with actually had set up a date with another woman, I confronted him. He stared at me wide-eyed and admitted ‘Well…I just never thought you’d find out.’ Watch out, girl, Match is bad news! I will never use it again. Sincerely, ‘ginnie’

    • Not the Hero (@Not_The_Hero) April 23, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

      I understand that you had a couple bad experiences with people from match.com but to be honest match is just a tool. That is like getting mad at the hammer when someone hits you with it. “Oh shit someone hit me with a hammer, I’m never going to use a hammer again.” Kinda ridiculous.

      • Cali Bradshaw April 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

        I’m confused – do I sound mad? If I do, I apologize. I am not the least bit mad at Match. I love match. I am not even mad at these dudes. I am truly trying to provide some insight and help so that men and woman may have a more pleasant experience on the site.

        Thanks for reading,
        Cali

        • idle thoughts August 1, 2013 at 10:25 am #

          Thanks for the brilliant advice.
          im a single guy thats just joined Match and was struggling with emails. I was either too brief or too detailed trying to shoehorn everything about The poor girls profile in! So thanks for the advice .
          And its in my personal code to let any girl with killer hair know she’s working it! Its her right to know!
          Thanks again
          Liam

  2. Yetti April 22, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    First off… I just found your blog today… and I have had the pleasure of stuffing my face while reading through your posts! You completely tickle me with your honesty and your situation with D… I recently just left a similar situation so I know the crazy emotions you are probably feeling right about now. Thank yoouuuu for sharing it with us.

    Anywho, I have yet to try online dating, but I think I may take that leap once I am ready to do so, but only because you showed me the complete and honest truth of doing so lol.

    Take Care and keep writing!

  3. Bill April 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

    I loved reading this. I get the same types of messages from women on these sites. For as much as I align with Example Eight, and for those incoming messages from women who also follow Example Eight’s approach, things never seem to go anywhere. Maybe it’s just me?

  4. Nicole April 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

    As a pretty girl on a (free) dating site, I completely relate to this! I get so tired of those vague types of messages. Especially because my profile is fairly detailed (well, as far as profiles on free dating sites go..) so I imagine it can’t be that hard to slip in a line that has SOMETHING to do with what I’ve written! Ah well.

    Eventually I edited a line in my About Me section and wrote, completely unrelated to anything I had mentioned at that point, “and hey, if you’ve gotten this far in my profile, just mention the word ‘starfish’ somewhere in your message.”

    The funny thing is, is that I’ve gotten some really good responses from it. The intelligent guys that actually take the time to read a girl’s profile catch on for why I’ve slipped that in there, and a lot of them have gotten creative and funny with it. Now when I’m clicking thru the 50 odd messages of “heeey sexii

  5. Nicole April 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm #

    girl, hit me back!!” it’s nice to see a few funny messages from guys that have caught on to what it’s like and how frustrating it is to be a girl on a dating site sometimes.

  6. Single Steve April 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    So THATS why I never got any responses back….
    http://www.singlesteve.com/2011/03/best-first-messages-ever-2/

    • Nicole April 24, 2012 at 1:31 am #

      Dude, Steve. 748 matches and no response? And then they canceled your account?? Holy shit.

      PS I am never signing up for eHarmony.

    • Cali Bradshaw April 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm #

      bwhahahh ohhhhh, Steve. You don’t get to complain now, tho! You lucky dude. You should just change your homepage to read – I am happily in a relationship. Go me. But if you are looking for a hot mess, single, 20-something in San Diego, might I introduce you to Cali Bradshaw?

  7. Bob April 25, 2012 at 9:07 am #

    you’re a weirdo

    • Cali Bradshaw April 25, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

      Really? Because I appreciate proper grammar and thoughtful messages? I feel like there are many other posts on this blog that you could make that argument on, but this one is actually quite un-weird. I promise you, I am not the only woman who feels this way about Match messages.

      • Jane May 19, 2012 at 7:47 am #

        Yeah, I have to agree with you. I don’t like messages lacking proper grammar and spelling. If you can’t make the time to write a nice clean message, then you probably don’t have any real interest in a sincere response from me!

        • Cali Bradshaw May 22, 2012 at 3:07 am #

          Thanks Jane! Glad to hear I am not alone on that one :)

  8. Tim April 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

    Because many women get a lot of messages sent to them, do you think it’s a good idea for a guy to send another message or does it make them look desperate? Not a message being rude but one that says you understand that she gets tons of messages and that mine may have slipped through the cracks.

    I wouldn’t send more than one additional message after the first. THAT would look desperate.

    • Cali Bradshaw April 26, 2012 at 12:16 am #

      Great question, Tim. I go back and forth on this one… I think it depends on the girl. Something I see a lot of online is guys messaging girls they would never in a million years have the balls to go up to in real life. And it is interesting to me, that they think that just bc this woman is online, she might respond. I applaud their bravery, but also wonder if they might be missing out on the people who would, in fact, respond. If it is a girl who you truly think you should have heard back from, then I’d follow up. And again I’d go with something thoughtful and short, but yea it’s worth a shot. But more often than not, even if you are getting a shit ton of messages, you respond to the ones you want to. I tend to get a pretty healthy amount of contacts (btw winks, favorites, views, emails and interests) and I have looked at every single one and decided why I would or wouldn’t respond. There are very few that I decide no on, but have any sort of lingering doubt… Just my perspective! Good luck to you!

  9. Bob April 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    I just find it hilarious that you have so many standards for dating, yet you’re a make out queen and have a history of dating douchebags. You also have a huge inflated sense of self worth; I don’t mean this in a mean way. Why don’t you just go on some dates with these not so perfect guys. You might even like one of them. Or just go back to your sordid affair with that one loser you always write about. There has to be some weird f’d up reason you like him.

    • Cali Bradshaw April 25, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

      If what you described is weird, then heck yes I am. And I’d say probably most people are, for that matter. I do have an inflated sense of self-worth but I won’t apologize for it. I like myself. I’ve worked hard to have the career and personal success that I do and I feel lucky to have achieved so much. I don’t want a perfect guy, clearly, but I don’t want another guy who will disappoint me all the time. As you already pointed out, I have one of those already. I’d just love to meet a nice normal dude with some self confidence and at least a few social skills. If that makes me weird, then so be it. But judging by the amount of females and males who have echoed this sentiment, there are a whole lot of weirdos out there…

  10. Bob April 25, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

    You’re insane list of requirements does not even come close to equaling nice and normal dude. Truth is your not attracted to nice and normal, he has to right perfect online messages, ant text properly and know when to kiss you, and all of this other insane crap.

    • Cali Bradshaw April 26, 2012 at 12:08 am #

      Let’s agree to disagree. I don’t think expecting people to not use words like horny and retarded, or to use proper capitalization that they learned in first grade, is asking for perfection. You are welcome to see it otherwise. And the whole point of all of this is I am looking for a match for me. Someone who fits me. Someone whose texting style and kissing style is compatible with mine. CLEARLY someone like you, is not my match. But there are people out there who share the same standards as me (I’ve been lucky enough to meet a few) so I am going to go ahead and hold out for those.

      Either way, I wonder, what’s it to you? You don’t have to date me and you certainly don’t have to read my blog. If you think I have requirements and that they are insane, then what are you doing here? I’m happy to hang with my other 24,999 readers a month who aren’t offended :)

    • Cali Bradshaw April 26, 2012 at 12:18 am #

      Unless of course you are someone I know… Colorado huh? Interesting.

    • Tim April 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

      @Bob: I used to think the same way you did. I was a nice and normal guy and the few dates I did get didn’t go any further than the first. It was only when I realized that being “normal” was actually a disadvantage, that things started looking up.

      I started writing more so that I could improve the way I communicate with people (not just women); I started going to the gym to lose weight/get stronger (not to impress women, although that helps); and I stopped complaining about what I wasn’t getting in life and started doing something about it.

      And through this whole process I too became “picky” and had an “inflated sense of self worth”. Why? Because I worked my ass off to get to where I am! I realized how selfish I was to expect someone awesome to be with me when I hadn’t put any work in. I understand now where Ms. Bradshaw is coming from. It’s like buying a house. Most people buy the house they dislike the least instead of buying the house they absolutely love.

      Finally, it comes down to one simple principle I discovered that most guys don’t want to admit to themselves. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you?

      • Cali Bradshaw April 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

        Tim, well said and that is exactly how I feel… Thanks for putting it so eloquently!

        • Tim April 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

          No problem. What can I say? I’ve made it something of a mission to turn “normal” guys into real gentleman. :)

  11. Bob April 26, 2012 at 6:23 am #

    I just think if you were more lenient you would probably have better luck.

  12. Bob April 28, 2012 at 3:35 am #

    Tim you’re a dork if you get laid it’s a miracle

  13. Suz April 30, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    I just found the most amazing person I have ever dated on Match. And his first email wasn’t stellar. However, I think you need the ability on there to see what you can see behind the profile shadows. I saw a really genuine man with a big heart and took a chance on that lunch date.

    I am so glad I did!! He is phenomenal.

    I love your blog, and get your view about those first emails, but I think you are being a tad harsh. Yes-horny/retarded/too many emoticons are all tacky. But, if a guy says he likes your smile and would like to know more about you….what’s wrong with that?

    Hope you have the ability to look beyond the flaws of an email or profile blurb. It was super hard for me to do, but it worked out in the best possible way. I’d have missed out on maybe the greatest love of my life if I had said no because he’s not a great speller. I’m an English teacher and this drives me nuts. But I saw more to him, gave him a chance, and I won the boyfriend lottery!!

    Good luck on Match. I think it rocks. ;)

  14. Traveller May 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm #

    I haven’t read your blog for ages since busy travelling. I love your post regarding dating emails!
    It’s totally true!
    Recently I tried some dating websites, but not match.com.

    One of them is POF, I got lots of messages… perhaps from 10 of the messages i just replied one!
    Those samples that you’ve brought are true fact!
    And i had similar reaction. Perhaps i could add another sample that i hate.

    “Hi there – Please add my MSN: xxx@hotmail.com, skype: xxxxx”

    it just a big NO to reply, who do you think you are?

    So far, I only some guys who really read my profile and send me decent messages.

  15. wow May 7, 2012 at 2:45 am #

    Obviously a lot of those messages are pretty lol, but I think a lot of where Bob gets his ideas include like this:

    “Something I see a lot of online is guys messaging girls they would never in a million years have the balls to go up to in real life. And it is interesting to me, that they think that just bc this woman is online, she might respond.”

    Who are you to judge whether a girl is “too good” for a guy? You’re basically saying that you shouldn’t shoot for the best you can find because you’re not good enough for it. Basically it comes across as you saying “I’m way too good for them, they should know that, and they should not waste my time by not talking to me and making me reject them”.

    • Bob May 7, 2012 at 3:39 am #

      I agree with this. I think she would have a lot of success if she just gave some of those guys a chance. It’s called going on dates, something foreign to people nowadays.

    • Saywhaaa?? August 4, 2012 at 12:23 am #

      Ya, I agree with these guys. The problem with online dating and facecrack is that it makes girls like you feel WAY too entitled and get too picky for your own good. If you believed in a number system it would make any girl in real life who is a 6 (in looks, personality, charm whatev) believe that she is a 9 due to all the attention she gets, so she goes for guys WAY beyond her reach and ya they will f*ck her, most guys will as long as you are just in decent shape if you make it easy for them but they aren’t going to marry / girlfriend you up.

      Honestly it’s like that in reverse for men on those things. I would (and apparently many women would) consider me an 8 ish (looks wise, 10 with the rest of me involved ;) in real life and I have no trouble meeting women whatsoever but on online sites take away 3 points for me….pretty much just because I’m a guy. So I get a lot of overweight women, not so attractive women, and older women messaging me (btw sorry to burst your bubble but it’s usually something like “Hey”). And girls I’m only SLIGHTLY interested in (but would be gearing down for from what I would usually go for) that I’ll send something to won’t even respond. In real life I wouldn’t even bother…

      I guess to shorten this up a bit. Guys, because your lazy or don’t have any balls to approach some random girl you find attractive in real life, you will be settling for unattractive girls. Girls, all that attention is meaningless. It might get you a few rides on the cock carousel but it isn’t going to find you what you REALLY want unless you lower your standards A LOT.

      • Cali Bradshaw August 4, 2012 at 2:22 am #

        I actually agree with you a hundred percent. I do think being online lets girls be pickier and that is definitely a problem with the whole concept. In real life, I have dated lots of guys who weren’t 10s, but there personality and charm won me over. And unforunately, its hard for those things to come across online – especially when guys are sending such half-assed emails.

        I am sorry to hear that girls send the same type of emails. That sucks. I’ve only emailed a handful of guys in my entire Match career and I’ve always put thought and effort in it. BUT to your point, those dudes were all super freaking hot (and usually pretty douchey by the looks of their responses).

        All that being said, I don’t think there is ever a reason to write an email with a shit ton of grammar errors or to cut and paste the same email over and over again. I dount any guy has gotten anywhere with a quality chick using these tactics.

        Just my two cents. -Cali

  16. ajs February 11, 2013 at 1:24 am #

    Are you perfect? You seem to think so. I guess you are a legend in your own mind. There is a good reason why you are single. The big picture is that there is no perfect opening line because dating sites are all one dimensional. It is strangers just trying to meet another stranger – everyone is clueless about the character of who they are meeting. Your laughable! I could explain it to you, but I am confident you wouldn’t get it.

  17. Lori February 13, 2013 at 12:14 am #

    Cali, This blog is the BEST! I’m getting addicted. I can’t stop reading and enjoying each entry! You are BANG-ON! It’s like you are saying everything I am thinking!! Keep up the awesome work!

  18. Mike February 21, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    I completely agree Cali B. and I see nothing wrong with her selection process. It’s important to understand what attracts the opposite sex. For women, they want a man who’s the entire package (looks, education, personality, etc etc). If you have a good picture, good profile, and a well written e-mail, then you have a good chance she’ll write you back.

    For men, 99% of what attracts us is physical appearance. I’ve gotten extremely well written e-mails from very smart women, but there wasn’t a chance in hell I would write back because she was 20 lbs overweight, my age or older, or just wasn’t attractive. I’ve received winks or “hey” e-mail from attractive women and I find attractive. I responded to them, went on dates, and had a amazing time with those women.

    I will add one little thing. First e-mails (like a first approach at a bar) can be a little awkward and uncomfortable. But, when you start e-mailing back and forth, it gets less awkward and the conversation starts to flow with ease. A opening e-mail isn’t the best indication of how the entire conversation is going to go.

    Love the blog!

  19. MBA April 24, 2013 at 5:41 am #

    So women want us men on Match.com to take the time to write a thoughtful, entertaining, compelling, thought provoking, funny, witty message that they probably won’t take equal time to read, lest respond?! You can spend hours writing a message that won’t hit the target, so to speak, if the other person just lists they like traveling and relaxing on the weekend. Who doesn’t like that?! I found that sending out a chain letter saves me literally HOURS and HOURS of composing a thoughtful custom message to EACH and EVERY match, when all the recipient does is spends SECONDS deleting the email just because she didn’t like my main profile pic…

  20. Sean May 1, 2013 at 3:27 am #

    Hi Cali, thanks for the insightful tips and advice from this post. One question though, let’s say some guy writes you an email like Example Eight, and he’s semi-attractive or unattractive. Do you write back to him? Also, does how he expresses himself in his profile matter to you when responding to his email? I wrote an email (like Example Eight) to some girl and she responded, but it looked like she kind of criticized me for my essay portion of my profile and I didn’t write back. I’m asking you for advice because I think you’re very smart, how can I improve my profile so I can make those first emails a little less awkward?

  21. Frank May 27, 2013 at 12:56 am #

    So, I definitely fall into the category you spoke about. Used to write well crafted thoughtful/funny emails. The problem is I noticed girls paid alot more attention to daring and sometimes flat out rude emails.

    One of the issues with Match is that alot of these girls that will barely respond to me, when I meet them in person they are ten times more into me than I am into them. The problem is on match girls are getting MASSIVE volume of emails. So how to stand out? I have written SO SO many nice emails and almost think the emails that are rude are more effective sometimes. It seems to shake the girl up and wake her up at least.

    One girl in particular I remember calling a drunk. Flat out. My response was “your a drunk”.

    Is there anything to this rude style of email to stand out?

    • Cali Bradshaw May 27, 2013 at 4:04 pm #

      Well Frank, it depends on the girl honestly. If it’s a girl who doesn’t expect you to respect her in life, why would she expect you to respect her via email? It may work on some, but I promise you, I’ve never responded to an email like that :)

      • Frank May 28, 2013 at 12:41 am #

        Gotcha. I guess it all comes down to having great pictures to combine with a nice email. Thanks for the advice Cali.

  22. Shaun May 29, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    From the guys point of view. Girls basically up their standards when they’re dating online and why wouldn’t they? Every guy on the site messages them, they can’t date them all, most strangers can’t say anything amazing in a two paragraph intro so the best looking guys who can string together two sentences get all the women. Do you see how that type of behavior discourages guys from getting too into any message? The one guy who wrote you a good message and you’re not all that attracted to is likely you upping your standards because you’re dating online. If you met in real life you’d likely change your tune.

    Everyone eventually quits online dating. The girls only date up and the guys only date down. Why do so many women experience guys who are only using them for sex on these sites? Because if you’re a guy dating down you’re not going to be interested in anything else besides free sex which you’ll take from just about anybody. Relationships like that don’t work out. Both people need to think they’re dating up which is unlikely to happen online due to supply and demand.

    I’ve found girls online that wouldn’t respond to me that I’ve seen later at the bar and made it a point to hook up with just to prove my theories about them dating up online. (Actually rather than online date I definitely suggest men just check out these sites for girls who will be at the bar later).

  23. Jimmy June 7, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    Can I stick up for the guys? Women seem to love to point out how burdensome it is to be on dating sites because of lighthearted e-mails and the sort. Granted: Some guys are copy/pasters looking for one thing. However, some just do not believe they have a shot. Have you ever looked at womens’ profiles?? Must be 6’3″, make $60,000 a year minimum and have time to travel every weekend and vacation 5 times per year…give me a break. It must be nice receiving e-mails all day when some of us do not get any, it must be so hard. Guys have to sit and write e-mail after e-mail while most women just open their boxes to overflowing requests, none of which are ever good enough, or the good writers are not cute enough. It’s a tough dating world and I appreciate your perspective, it could help me, but there are three sides to every story (mine, yours, and the truth).

    • S. Garrett July 24, 2013 at 2:35 am #

      Play by the rules my brother. If you don’t fit her credentials, then it’s not worth your time bothering her. FInd girls who are at least a 95% match or higher. (“Mutual Match” always helps.)

  24. S. Garrett July 24, 2013 at 2:17 am #

    Hi Cali, in regards to writing an email…what do you do when you receive a like or a wink from a girl you are interested in? Do you write something simple like “Hey how are you?” Or do you write something similar to what Example Eight wrote? (Except it looks like the guy who wrote Example Eight is cancelling himself out thinking you wouldn’t be into him.)

Trackbacks and Pingbacks

  1. Tips For All You Men Trying Online Dating | Dating In Today's Society - May 4, 2013

    [...] This is where it gets a little tricky.  Girls prefer to receive personalized emails, not emails that say “Hey how are you?” or emails that make you sound creepy or awkward.  Also, winks hardly ever work so try not to use them.  Try not to send out mass emails either.  They never work.  Send emails to girls you think you have a really good chance with.  And when you email them, point out something in their profile that you read and try to make a conversation out of it.  Ask them good questions and try to describe yourself but don’t overdue it.  It takes time to fully master writing good emails that get you results, but try to mold writing good emails with what I suggested to you above.  If you need help writing the perfect email, read this blog entry from a female’s point-of-view and see what you probably need to work on. [...]

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