Anyone who knows me in the slightest knows exactly how much I despise New Years Eve. I loathe it with every ounce of my being. To me, it is worse than inappropriate text messaging, an emo Facebook status, and guys who cancel at the last minute – combined.
And this hatred does not come without good reason. The vast majority of my NYE nights have been super shitty. Like 2003, when my highschool crush told me he didn’t like me because I didn’t drink. Or NYE 2005, when my friends all got a limo and wanted to spend the whole night driving around making out with their boyfriends (also same year I got to watch D kiss some random). Or 2006, the year D and I managed to get along until 2:00 AM… at which time we exploded into a major fight that ended in him leaving me at one of his friend’s houses – again. Or how about 2008 when we spent 100 bucks to escape everyone and go to a fancy party in another town, only to realize it was filled with the same fucking people we saw at the bars every other night. Good times, right?
But this year, this year, was going to be different! I was determined to have a little fun – nothing crazy, just a few friends at the local bars, maybe a hot surfer boy… I dunno – just something with an air of festivity. It seemed appropriate seeing as how I’ve decided 2013 is going to be awesome. Why shouldn’t said awesomeness start from the very first moment?
Of course, as quickly as that thought passed my mind, things started to go wrong. We got out later than I had hoped (leaving me oh-so-sober at the bars), our friends couldn’t make it so it ended up being just me and one of my besties (whom I adore, but still, I was hardly feeling popular), and then there was not even one single surfer boy at the bar to swoon over. Not looking promising…
Thinking quickly we decided to check out bar number 2. I mean hey, it was only like 10:45, there was still time! I could still start the YEAR I MOVE TO NEW YORK (official name) out on the right foot. With any luck we’d run into a bunch of people we knew (and liked) and we’d hang out and dance the night away!
But alas, bar number 2 was a bust. We met a nice girl who we chatted with for a bit - until she made us feel old as balls when she told us how she’d just been traveling since graduation. Aw, youth. And rather then dwell on how we became so old and so single, we felt it best to move on.
So at 11PM, I begrudgingly agreed to go to my least favorite bar, figuring, the night could only go up from there. Naturally, there was a line (how this shitty bar is popular is beyond me) but there was nowhere else to go, so there we stood and froze our butts off in our cute little dresses. Minute after minute went by and I was growing more forlorn with every second… Was this how I was going to start the year I moved to NY? Stuck in line and freezing. (Probably appropriate, actually…)
And then, something fun happened.
I saw a group of guys I used to know walking up to the bar, including (yaaaay!) one I had a fling with for a few years back in college. Please let me stop you right now if you are going to try and pretend like you wouldn’t be stoked to see someone you could potentially make out with on NYE at midnight. Don’t lie. No one likes awkwardly high five-ing their friends as the ball drops – believe me, I know. I’ve done it many times. So you can stop judging me now for being excited.
In any case, this particular fellow was someone I used to have quite a bit of fun with and although neither of us ever took it seriously, we always stayed in touch via the FB. In fact, over the years I grew to think of him as a friend. A hot friend that I could sleep with without adding a new number. :)
Eventually, while I was away at college, he ended up getting his shit together. Moved to the East Coast, had a real job, even got himself a serious girlfriend for awhile and, well, grew up! And the one time we ran into each other since then I remember thinking I was so freaking happy for him. But other than that one night (and subsequent morning) I hadn’t thought much about him. So imagine my surprise and delight to see him walking towards me at 11:15 PM on NYE.
After many a hugs with the group and exchanging of small talk, I naturally found myself chatting up my past fling. It was a pleasure to talk to him and share everything that had changed for us both over the years, and as we moved up the line, I found myself beginning to look forward to the rest of the night. But then, just as we got to the front of the line, the bar informed us they were done for the night. At 11:30. On NYE. Have I mentioned I hate this bar??
Realizing there was no where we could get into at this point, the guys invited us to go back to my friend’s house for a drink. Seemed like a logical solution, so off we went and I must say, I ended up having a blast. I hadn’t partied with these guys since college, and I have seriously changed my partying ways since then. But with a bottle of Smirnoff in front of me and the memories flowing, I was all or a sudden right back to college Cali – drunk and slightly giddy. We laughed, chatted, took pictures and I got my New Years kiss (slightly awkward since we were all just standing around the TV and no one else was kissing, but oh well…) And all in all, I felt great about ringing in the New Year surrounded by good peeps.
At the end of the night, and after maybe 5 too many shots, it seemed only natural that my friend and I would fall back into old habits and I honestly, didn’t think twice about crawling into bed with him.
When I woke up the next morning I couldn’t tell how I felt. (Well other than hung over, I definitely felt hung over). On one hand, I had a great time. I still think he’s hot, he’s still my friend, I’m not dating anyone, and it certainly wasn’t like I hadn’t done it before… But on the other hand, I felt sorta weird about it. In the past 2 years, the only guys I have slept with are Mr. Cute but Whiny, My Bestie and really, mostly just D – all situations that are very different than just a friendly fling. And furthermore (as much as you all hate this) the situation with D and how close we have become, really threw a harsh light on my NYE hookup. Turns out, those “just for fun hookups” were a lot more fun when I didn’t know what it was like to have sex with a guy I trusted and loved.
But it wasn’t until I explained it to one of my best girl friends that I actually got any clarity on how I felt. Here’s what I discovered:
Am I sorry it happened? No. It was fun and nostalgic and it put me in a great mood to start out a great year. And because of this, I’ve decided to call it a “Throwback Bang.” Just like the “Throwback Thursdays (#TBT)” pictures we all share on lnstagram, the Throwback Bang (or TBB) leaves you with a smile and a reminder of a happy memory or a simpler time.
That being said, will I be “Throwback Banging” again anytime soon? Probably not. I may be condemning myself to a very long dry spell here, but I think the Throwback Bang may have lost its allure for me. If I am honest with myself, I would have had just as much fun kissing him and calling it a night (And not because the sex wasn’t good, it was!). But that’s just not my style anymore and I am a little sad that I let a old habit and a holiday get the best of me.
What I realized is, sometimes it’s hard to know exactly how we’ve changed until we’ve had ourselves tested, and prior to NYE I hadn’t had an opportunity figure out my stance on the TBB. So, now I know. And I can move forward into 2013 certain about at least one more thing.
Now I’m curious, what’s your stance on the Throwback Bang? If it won’t cost you a number, it’s still fun and both parties are single – is it fair play? Or do you stay away?